Imagine a voice in your head telling you how pathetic and worthless you are. Imagine that voice telling you that no one actually gives a crap about you. Imagine that same voice telling you to be afraid of everything everywhere you go, and to avoid everything and everyone because you’re not worthy or you’re fail no matter what you do.
Now imagine that voice telling you those things over and over, like a broken record, every moment of every day.
I’m paranoid. Always afraid of saying or doing something wrong . I am constantly afraid of rejects , I am afraid people will think or say something weird about me without me knowing it, terrified I have hurt anyone at any time , over thinking every situation 100 times before I’m actually in the situation. I am afraid to take chances because things can go differently than I hoped.I am terrified to do things I ‘ve never done or I am terrified to do things that were long since I last did , in case it shall be different. I think long about what I will answer to things. I am terrified that I’m not good enough to support those who I love , I am terrified that I really am crap and boring to be with. I am afraid that I’m annoying. I’m afraid that people are better off without me. I am constantly afraid that all people tell me really is bullshit and that they say it, just so I’ll believe what they say to stop thinking negatively for a while. I am terrified that I am going to loose the people who matter most. I’m afraid I’ll lose my mind because I am always worried about the things that is not a fucking problem. Shit.
It’s so stressful inside my brain. Constant planning and worrying and making sure things work out and making out stupid scenarios and always feeling inadequate and awkward and constantly pointing out to myself everything wrong that I do.